admin answers:

From the way you lost your cat long ago, you were in a very abusive household! The person who needs forgiving, dear, is NOT you – your step-father is/was a cruel, violent bully who no doubt made you suffer emotionally. I bet you gave your cat a lot of love and a good life.

I suspect you hold on to this one cat because he was a great solace to you in a very unhappy time, and therefore he is very special to you. I, too, have always felt great comfort from my pets in times of sorrow.)

Explain that to your husband. This is a complicated matter that is NOT simply about the loss of your beloved pet; it is much more than that. You do need to talk this over with a professional, and I’d suggest you contact your local county mental health center, or find a woman’s support group you can join. This is important for you to do.

You are carrying a child’s grief, and a child’s sorrow, and you bear no blame for what happened. That rests at the bully’s door. I don’t think you are lying to yourself so much as trying to deal with the guilt.

However, if, for now you get comfort from your virtual pet – who or what does it hurt? Ask your husband to not force (bully?) you into letting this pet go, too. Unless he is a head shrink (and I doubt it), he’s not helping you with your guilt and grief. Think about the mental health center – it’s usually free or very inexpensive (sliding scale).

Then, when YOU are ready, you can let go of your virtual pet when and if you are ready to. Ask your husband to support you in this and not force the issue. Otherwise, another problem – perhaps worse – will take this rather harmless ones place.

Bless you, sweetie. Remember that you gave your cat a good life and lots of love.

Take care.

Lulu